After much soul searching this week I decided against throwing my bandana in the ring,it wasn't an easy decision but it feels like the correct one......that's not to say that I won't second guess myself repeatedly between now and Sunday March 16th but in my heart of hearts I feel it's the right decision.
The fact that over the past three days when neither weather nor work has been an issue and I've failed to galvinise myself to get out and run shows me my heart just isn't in it and frankly going through the motions doesn't do it for me.it didn't work in my marriage and it damn sure dosen't work where my running is concerned.
As I sat on my recliner yesterday afternoon instead of being out logging another all important run I watched the bronze medal match of the womens Ice Hockey at the Winter Olympics and thought back to Boston 08 an Indoor Nationals.
That year I was coming off of my stress fracture on my left foot,I'd lost 6 weeks of training and now had 8 weeks to prepare for Indoor Nationals,I didn't want to go but my then coach convinced me to go.....it proved to be an unmitigating disaster 8th in the 800m and 11th in the 3,000m I can recall hauling arse out of the Reggie Lewis Center as soon as my 800m was over that morning and prefering to kill time at Logan Airport waiting for my afternoon flight back to Philly rather than sit around there,I swore never again would I compete at a National Championship if I wasn't 100% race ready and frankly here I am some 6 years later feeling that same way.
I'd rather not go and deal w/ the mental anguish of "what if" than go and fall on my arse like I did back in 08,it was and probably still is the lowest low of my entire running career and I never want to feel that way again.
Hopefully '' history will repeat it's self" after a woeful indoor season in 08 I rebounded nicely w/ a silver in the 800m and gold in the 1,500m in Spokane at Outdoor Nationals b4 running a memorable 5th Avenue Mile in September in 4.17......that'll serve as my motivation between now and late September this season.
I watched the differing reactions of the Swiss and Swedish womens Ice Hockey teams at the final buzzer yesterday,the joy and elation of the Swiss having won a bronze,vindication for four years of hard work,dedication and sacrifice and on the other side of the blue line the heartbrake and despair for the Swedish team,nothing to show for the same four years of hard work,dedication and sacrifice.......having tasted more than my fair share of success at both Indoor and Outdoor Nationals and some failure I can identify w/ both emotions and I know which I prefer.
While Boston and Indoor Nationals is off the books now I will see out the Indoor Season,Thursday the mile and Friday the 800m both at The Armory b4 a return there on March 21st for the 1,500m,the journey to Wake Forest and Outdoor Nationals in July begins NOW!!!
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